my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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