Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Terrible idea I love it
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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