she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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