And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
