Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize