I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
