Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
