Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
