Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
