One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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