During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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