He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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