I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
