just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
