come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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