Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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