You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
