Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
