we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
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We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
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YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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