before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
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