if i can run in heels then i can drive
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
