Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
