I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
why do cheetos always look like penises
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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