Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I intend to get homeless drunk
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
