We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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