It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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