I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
