Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
