I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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