Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
