They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
