You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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