I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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