he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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