Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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