Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
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I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
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My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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