when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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