You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
