I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
