absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
