There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
