Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
