It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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