Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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