i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
How drunk are you?
Completed.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
