well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
