so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
