The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
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You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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