Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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