i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
