i think my tv is drunk
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
