I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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