You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
