he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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