when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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