I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
