I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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