And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
