Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
