as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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