so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
