If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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