I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
