I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
